Knowing Your Truth
Here’s what I know to be true. I had a crazy and wild childhood filled with beauty and love and horror and hurt. That contrast gave me a choice: choose to be optimistic and kind or be hateful and bitter. I think you all know what I chose.
This is all we get. This one insanely twisted journey through life. When I think about where I am in my life, I have every right to be angry and withdraw from others but that’s totally against my true nature. I have loved big and lost bigger; I have been abused and healed from the cuts, the bruises, the emotional torrent, and the pain; I have held my newborn nieces and nephews and got to birth a profoundly wonderful baby girl; I have failed miserably and risen to the challenge; I have fought like hell to be heard and seen and sometimes had to face that I was going to remain invisible and inconsequential to some no matter what I do.
I have decided to have deep amounts of hope in humanity because there is plenty of negativity swarming out there.
I have chosen to live.
To live fully, thoughtfully, intentionally, and fearlessly.
That said, I sometimes feel my words are inadequate and one day someone is going to tell me I suck as a writer. I fear I won’t make enough money to live a better life. I worry my daughter is going to one day tell me I didn’t do enough. I often wonder if I’m lovable or worthy. But at the end of the day, those are all pointless worries.
Why? Because I write and do so every day and if I suck, I’m bound to improve by the mere act of regular practice; I will be paid my worth and I won’t be afraid to ask for my value because I’ve worked long and hard and never half-ass it; My daughter loves me and right now she’s a teenager so no adult is high on her “you’re awesome” list – but she knows I will do anything for her and I always have and always will; and yes, I am lovable and worthy—I just didn’t value myself or allow the right people to love me. Still I have learned so much, grown even more, and continue to be more self-aware every minute of every day.
Life is a wild ride, and its the best one we’ll ever get. The ONLY one.
Stop what you’re doing and be grateful. You are above ground. Life is quite literally breathing into you. The world is messy and disheartening but it doesn’t have to be. We could all decide to realize that within us ALL are the same organs, crimson blood, brains and hearts and the only thing that keeps us together is a dermal layer of flesh.
We are the same.
The difference is—HOW we treat each other. There is no reason to be hateful or prejudice or be unkind to one another. And the next time you open your mouth to be cruel, ask yourself this one thing: If I saw someone speaking to a child that way, would I allow it? If the answer is yes, you’ve got a lot of work to do on yourself. If the answer is no? Then change your ways. Immediately.
Make better choices, people. We’re missing life as its happening and its happening now … don’t waste another moment.